First self portrait of “married me.” Hey, where’s my wife?!
There’s a new year coming and I’m not ready to be done with the thrill of weddings. So, now that my wedding is finished, let’s focus on yours! I want to keep this rolling!
And by the way, I’ve improved availability and my fee! I’m still available any time on Saturday and Sunday, but now I’m able to perform weddings earlier in the evenings Monday-Friday starting at 5:00pm with fees as low as $200.
Just shoot me a message to get on my calendar for 2016.
You’re all grown up, or at least you pretend to be and finally you’re in a position to make some of your own gosh-darn decisions for your own gosh-darn self. You look out with a mean eye and a raised eyebrow, “Bring it on world, gimme a decision… set it up I’ll knock it on its…” Unfortunately, the world heard you beating your chest, slapping the waves, and taunting the sea. So, voila! A big decision for you.
You can’t go left, you can’t go right, the only way is through. Nothing happens next except through this decision first. Suddenly, you don’t feel so big. You want advice and you seek it out.
One person tells you what to do and you think, “Yeah, that’s what you would do. But what should I do?!” You move on to the next person. This person doesn’t even give you any advice, they just tell you a story from their own life that has vague similarities to your own. The next person you talk to declines to comment, telling you, “It’s your decision to make” and maybe they throw in the old, “I’ll support you no matter what you decide.” You’re like, “I gosh-darn hope so! Why would you even bring that up?!”
You’re going to get advice you don’t like and won’t follow, sympathy from those who care about you, and support from those who love you. But, you are stuck making your own gosh-darn decisions for your own gosh-darn self. And no matter what decision you make it will feel uncomfortable, dangerous, arbitrary, and earth-shattering, because that’s what it feels like when you take the reigns of your life, make your own gosh-darn decisions, and ride off into the sunset… or sunrise… or maybe you want to ride out at high noon… I’ll support you whichever you decide. It’s no one else’s decision to make.
Eric Clapton sang about “the sunshine of your love.” Shakespeare let slip from Romeo’s lips a mouthful of morning metaphor when he wrote, “…it is the east, and Juliet the sun.” Or something along those lines.
Cliché after cliché stack up and spill over the sides of the metaphor bin, like VHS tapes at gas stations in the middle of nowhere. You can have 4 for a dollar. “That’s okay, I think I already have a copy of Pretty Woman.” 12 for a dollar… “okay, take ’em they’re all yours we’re just going to through them away.”
But these frequently flung phrases are flung so freely because they make visible or taste-able or hear-able the invisible emotional and psychological transformation that happens when you love and are loved.
So, go ahead and get married as the sun rises. And don’t be afraid to say you didn’t even know it was dark until you met the light of your life. And go ahead and say that you didn’t even know you were cold until the radiance of your beloved’s love warmed your skin. I’d love to be there for that.
Churches are pretty places. Most of them are pretty places anyway. However, churches are also pretty religious places. Most of them anyway. So when you’re deciding where you are going to tie your strings into a knot with your beloved you’ll probably be encountering what has become a classic contemporary conflict between religion and aesthetics when it comes to the architecture of your wedding.
It used to be the case that no one was really allowed to go into God’s “House.” It just wasn’t safe. They used to tie a rope around the priests just in case encountering God literally killed them. And that was when it was still just a tent.
It is currently the case that many people connect with God through experiences in the natural world. We’re talking about hiking. We’re talking about rivers in the evening and dry mouthed, sweaty sleeping bags, and cooing birds in the morning.
If the last 15 years has taught us anything it’s that it can be just as ugly and just as beautiful in a church as it is outside.
Damned if you do? Damned if you don’t?
I don’t think so. The real question is what it means to you and to your beloved that you are getting married in this place in the world at this time in your lives. And, you don’t have to figure out the answer to that question on your own.